My Kayak Rocks!

Today I took my first wave on my new kayak. It was a blast! But I need to do some more conditioning. I was beat after 30 minutes. Today was also a new day for Cheryl. Lots of new stuff going on. I'm just grateful to be alive. And grateful for the moments where the kingdom of the heavens is visible.

It was pride

I received a note from an old friend today. He reminisced about how I helped changed his life. I was appreciative of his kind words, but found myself abnegating his claim that I had anything to do with it. I truly did not think that I had done much at all, other than being a friend.

I pondered on how to respond to his email. What could I say that would help him see that his life change was, I believe, a divine action. Although, I'm sure his intention was pure. He was just trying to communicate that he remembered that I cared for him. Yet, I wanted him to know that some of my past was stained by obsessive ministry tactics that I regret and am ashamed of. How could I explain to him that the purest and simplest result of our time was the relationship. And that the leader-follower-to-accomplish-a-mission concept was rooted in pride and arrogance. How could I tell him that it was not supposed to be about me, but about Jesus.

I decided that he was not prepared for a "teaching moment."

I AM who I AM

I've been pausing on this, THE name of God, as I have heard it recently. The depth of its meaning is starting to be revealed to me. He is transcendent, beginning or endingless, very present to hear and sustain, and full of joy and love as a giver.

I only wish that "the veil" of my awareness would open so that I could see him, know him, love him. My soul is drawn to him. I'm thirsty, hungry, and in need of sustenance.

I deeply feel this song written by Kelly Carpenter:

Draw me close to You, Never let me go.
I lay it all down again To hear you say that I’m your friend.
You are my desire, No one else will do,
’Cause nothing else could take Your place,
To feel the warmth of Your embrace.
Help me find the way, Bring me back to You.
You’re all I want,
You’re all I’ve ever needed.
You’re all I want,
Help me know you are near.

Different Paths

I visited with several old friends yesterday, at Matt & Brooke's Wedding. It was good to see familiar faces, and greet friends again. As I reflected on the day, thinking about the past and the various roads traveled, I found myself attempting to postulate about the "rightness" of the those paths. And as most selfish people, I found evidence supporting my path and negating the other paths.

Then the spirit spoke to me these words, "Have I not allowed these people to take these roads? Am I not in control? I am in control, and I will do what I will do." To which I was humbled. The Sovereign One quickly changed my perspective to see that he is at work. I don't understand everything he is doing, in fact I don't want to know everything he is doing for fear I might be judgemental in the process.

All I want to do is trust him. And I'm starting to get there.

Philosophical posturing

Today I was reading a conversation between two strangers about their perspectives on subjectivity vs. objectivity, as it relates to art. Arguments were presented in a fair way. Both argued for their sides. But as the conversation got deeper, you could sense "tone" in their rebuttals. They wrote and defended their positions as if they were deeply held and worth fighting for. But what was the battle field? Was it for truth? faith? or pride and self-worth?

I'm not inclined to hotly debate, thus this need for posturing puzzles me. But I know that we must search for truth and fight to defend it when we have discovered it. Or at least when we think we have discovered it. OR, maybe we don't need to fight for it.

More thinking must be done...when mind is rested...

The Kingdom

I've been captured by a new concept of the Kingdom of Heaven that has my gut wrenching with joy so deep, my body does not know how to respond. Dallas Willard suggested that we unlearn our old concepts of Heaven beyond the stars, and realize that it's just a breath away. He further painted the picture of Jacob's vision of angels coming in and out of heaven on a ladder, and Jesus's acension. My soul can sense the FATHER within arms reach, and I've been randomly raising my hands throughout the day, to see if He'll pull me up. My heart races to KNOW the nearness of God. And the line of a new song is increasing my longing for Him. "His burning Son shall melt the ice of fear, LIFT UP your hearts, His soothing voice to hear..."