Road Blocks

As I sit here in serene moonlight, I'm agonizing about my day. I'm trying feverishly to get the required classes so that perhaps I can transfer to UCI for a second BA, this time in philosophy. But I discovered that I have to take English 100 again because the college where I first took it back in 83 is not properly accredited. And that means I have to take the English placement test. And after I completed that, I discovered that all of the local community college English classes are "closed."

What, Lord? Why the road blocks? Am I pursuing something so unpleasing?

After years of trying to get into grad school, studying for the GRE, doing writing samples, and only hearing negative results; I'm starting to wear down. I almost lost it earlier this year when I discovered that even Biola didn't accept me into its graduate philosophy program.

I laugh when I think about it. I'm 41 and a freshman at a Junior College and can't get an English 100 class. After the laughter I feel disappointment.

So, does God use roadblocks? In the past years I had come to the understanding that God wasn't so concerned about the career path, but rather about my daily path of living in His Kingdom: under His reign. And after much prayer I had surmised that I was indeed moving in a direction that He was okay with as long as I was daily under His rule. Now, with all of the road blocks, I'm not so certain.

If this isn't a good path for me, what shall I do? Please speak to me. Tell me with your words. I'm trying to listen.

Getting up

"Most people live dejectedly in worldly sorrow and joy; they are the ones who sit along the wall and do not join in the dance. The knights of infinity are dancers and possess elevation. They make the movements upward, and fall down again; and this too is no mean pastime, nor ungraceful to behold. But whenever they fall down they are not able at once to assume the posture, they vacillate an instant, and this vacillation shows that after all they are strangers in the world. This is more or less strikingly evident in proportion to the art they possess, but even the most artistic knights cannot altogether conceal this vacillation. One need not look at them when they are up in the air, but only the instant they touch or have touched the ground–then one recognizes them. But to be able to fall down in such a way that the same second it looks as if one were standing and walking, to transform the leap of life into a walk, absolutely to express the sublime in the pedestrian–that only the knight of faith can do–and this is the one and only prodigy."
— Johannes de Silentio, Fear and Trembling, 1843

A good book

I have recently read a new book by Jake Colsen (a pseudonym) and asked our church if they would be interested in reading it. They agreed. It is titled, "So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore." The title may sound antagonistic, but the content is more about the journey of a guy trying to listen to the voice of Father. It's approach is similar to McClaren's "A New Kind of Christian" but the tone is joyful and the point is clear. It is not a literary masterpiece, nor a solid argument of a theological position. But it is a refreshing story, full of questions, and rife with grace and freedom. I highly recommend it. Especially if you are struggling to respond to the question, "So why does your church meet in a house?"

I have extra copies of the book if you are interested.

http://www.jakecolsen.com/

p.s. Thanks Barry for sending the book my way! You Rock.

Swine Throwing Pearls?

What are we reading? Dallas Willard's Divine Conspiracy. But check this out. Dallas interprets a familiar verse in a life changing way:

"Do not give to dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces." Matt. 7:6

Take a second and try to interpret the verse yourself. What do you get? At first glance, all of us assumed that we should be selective in whom we choose to share our faith with. In fact, there is this sense that there are those who don't even deserve it. But does that sound like Jesus? Calling people dogs and pigs? Maybe if it were the religious people. Yet it is a warning to be selective, right?

WRONG.

Here is what Dallas says: Let us be clear once and for all that Jesus is not suggesting that certain classes of people are to be viewed as pigs of dogs. Nor is he saying that we should not give good things and do good deeds to people who might reject or misuse them. In fact, his teaching is precisely the opposite. We are to be like the Father in the heavens who is kind to the unthankful and the evil. The problem with pearls for pigs is not that the pigs are not worthy. It is not worthiness that is in question here at all, but helpfulness. Pigs cannot digest pearls, cannot nourish themselves upon them. Likewise for a dog with a Bible or a crucifix. The dog cannot eat it. The reason these animals will finally "turn and rend you" when you one day step up to them with another load of Bibles or pearls, is that YOU at least are edible. Anyone who has had serious responsibilities of caring for animals will understand immediately what Jesus is saying. And what a picture this is of our efforts to correct and control others by pouring our good things, often truly precious things, upon them--things that they nevertheless simply cannot ingest and use to nourish themselves. The point is NOT the waste of the "pearl" BUT THAT THE PERSON GIVEN THE PEARL IS NOT HELPED.

We were all amazed and dumb-founded. We could hardly speak for a few moments. We just stared at each other, open-mouthed, gripped by our own incorrect understanding of scripture. We were astonished and ashamed that we held such erroneous views of Christ's teaching. Of course this reinforces the theory that your environment helps to shape your belief. The evangelical agenda, though not entirely wrong, has blinders on, and we bought in to it. We made the scripture say what we wanted. And this verse comes right after a do-not-judge verse. How could we miss that? Ugh. I'm still reeling from it. Anyway. Take that interpretation and run with it. I believe Dallas is right on. Don't emphasize the swine, emphasize our casting the wrong thing, pushing our agenda on people. We are the swine throwing pearls.

Much ado about nothing...

Well, this post is for Joel.

I've been pretty busy this summer. There is precious little time for reading, and pondering, or doing other deeply thoughtful activities. However, since Nathan started pop-warner football, I've been able to read the newspaper each afternoon while Nate practices. That has been good. But even then, I can't focus too long, since I'm distracted by all the yelling--"What'chyou doin' WALKING on my field BOYah? RUN!!"-- and the sounds of young boys crying from the pain, and then being told to "Quit your sniffling. If it hurts, growl and grunt." Anyway. That has been my last few months. Crazy. I'll post with something more thoughtful soon.

Crash!!

Cheryl and I saw the movie "Crash" last night. We couldn't stop talking about it during dinner. My critique: it was brilliant. It reminds me of the raw reality of life as heard in Alanis Morrisette's "Isn't it ironic." I was amazed by the blatant demonstration of good and bad, intermingled with love and hate. And hate seemed to be fueled by anger. Bullock - "I am so angry--everyday--and I don't know why."

But what fueled the love?

Inerrancy vs. Truth

I'm reading a book that is trying to explain the current view of post-modernism, with a chapter designated specifically towards the Bible. He questions whether the Bible must be historically accurate to be considered true. In other words, can it contain errors (who knows how many) and still be true? or be regarded as true? I'm following him cognitivly, but the tension in my being, steeped in modernity, asks, "is truth subjective?" Isn't there a reality beyond me? Isn't truth objective? Maybe we will never fully know the truth, but does it not exist?

Quote

I heard this quote from my friend Brian Mavis. When he first told me, I thought, "how true it is." Even now, I am taken back by the reality of it.

"In the beginning the church was a fellowship of men and women centering on the living Christ. Then the church moved to Greece where it became a philosophy. Then it moved to Rome where it became an institution. Next, it moved to Europe, where it became a culture. And, finally, it moved to America where it became an enterprise."
Richard Halverson, former chaplain of the United States Senate
- Quoted in E. Glenn Wagner, Ph.D,
The Awesome Power of Shared Beliefs,
(Dallas: Word Publishing, 1995)

A Door Closed

Although I didn't want to get an MA at Biola, I was secretly willing to attend if it meant moving forward to the goal of an MA in Philosophy, regardless of it's reputation. However, the door closed yesterday, when I discovered that I was too late to apply for this fall. (Like every other university.) I'm actually relieved.

Second BA, here I come.

Double Punch

Thursday I received two letters; one from USC, the other from Loyola. Both started with the lovely phrase, "We regret to inform you..." That's all I needed to give a quick flick of the wrist, making the paper soar like a badly crafted airplane. It looks like the hopes of a fall semester have vanished. I've been working on this for over a year. Preparing, planning, taking tests and filling out forms now seems like wasted time. Who knows. I'm trying to hear the voice of Jesus in this. I emailed my professors about it, and they sent there condolences, except for Byron, he suggested I try the MA in Philo. of Religion & Ethics at Biola, and not do the second BA thing. I didn't want to do the religious institution thing, but I also want to move forward, and not back to a second BA. We'll see. I'm trying to keep my ears open.